The past 3 years have been a rollercoaster – and now I’m facing the decision of whether to do it all again! About a year after B was born, I started trying to give him a little brother or sister. All the stories I heard of people getting pregnant so easily second time tricked me into thinking it would happen to me – it didn’t.
After 2 years of monthly disappointments, crying about friends who complained about their accidental second children (second and third in one case), I decided I needed to be proactive. I’m getting no younger.
I couldn’t face ovulation kits again – weeing on a stick once a month has been stressful enough. We’d promised not to think of IVF for a second time, so our choice was Clomid or adoption.
So off we went to an adoption evening (I had been in touch with the agency a couple of times over the past year) and came away from it very positive. We would need to wait until early 2017 before starting the process to ensure B is the right age.
At the same time, I was referred to our local fertility clinic. I didn’t hold out much hope. I was told that my amh value was low last time and that was 4 years ago. We ploughed through the usual tests (nothing too intrusive this time, I got that all out the way in 2012) and waited.
So, this morning I drive in the pouring rain to the hospital carrying all my notes, letters and a small fortune in change for the car park. All I have prepared is not crying when I am told that I have missed my chance, I am too old, too fat, too late for any more help.
The appointment was short, it pretty much went like this:
Our test results are fine, Clomid is out as the rules are stricter now and I don’t qualify, IVF as soon as possible is recommended and odds of success would be same as last time. All I have to do is call his secretary and give the go ahead.
So, we come out of the hospital and head for coffee and cake to discuss it. All big decisions need coffee and cake.
Coffee, Cake & Calculations
What to do?? I listed my main concerns:
- Cost – we’d probably need to set aside about £6,000 and I’m still not working at the moment – I was planning to return next September when B goes to school, but would be no chance of that with baby
- What if my SPD/PGP is worse with this pregnancy? It took me over a year to recover last time
- All those injections again!
But of course, the main one is the heartbreak if it didn’t work. I haven’t been through that before. Could I cope?
Balance all that against maybe making another B. Can I turn that chance down?
Five minutes with a consultant, twenty minutes over coffee in a garden centre cafe and the course of the next few months is decided. Maybe of the next few years.
Reader, I called her.
And now we wait. And the rollercoaster becomes bigger and scarier and more exciting. I feel good.